okay, let's do a wrap up of what happened on saturday.

went for meeting at HQ and realized that there will be only (most prob la) 4 YAs going for the national camp as helpers. okay, fine. then ate at Pastamania for lunch. came to SN and could stlil feel the pasta churning about in my stomach. have a feeling that it was the start of a real food binge for me.

i wasn't wrong.

anyway, enough about food. yup, when Quek, Wei Min, and i reached SN, the most probable place we ended up in was at the home econs room helping the refreshment committee. really wanted to eat the jelly. too bad that by the time we got up from the field, there was no refreshments left. watched the Sec 4s practice their dance. then changed into YA uniform at around 6.15. saw the seniors and my own batch people come back. then had to walk out of SN to go and find Eileen and Sharon. guess what those cuckoos did? they took the wrong bus, and i had to go get them in my court shoes. pain! pain! haha.

they were quite impressed with the gateway and backdrop. and the fact that there was a PA crew helping us. i must admit that the gateway was quite an original idea and was quite cool la. i think Kaifong and the gateway committee did a good job. and the backdrop? i think it's come a long way since i've been in charge of that committee. yay for them as well. MCs were not bad considering that it was their first time doing such an event. overall, if there was feelings of the campfire not being a good one, i think people should take into consideration that this took only 3 months of preparation instead of the usual 6-8 months. i think that expectations should not be as high if you actually go to other campfires from other schools. it's around the same. not that i'm criticizing my batch or any seniors and i'm not saying that the previous campfires organized were lousy, but i think that the standard was around the same. why say that the campfire was screwed up and point out the bad points when you should appreciate the good points? even cresent YAs (that's my 2 good friends) were pretty impressed. as long as you enjoy yourself, then it's fine. i know I enjoyed myself.

it's pretty much a pyschological thing.

but after it, i was just tired in general. like i'm feeling now. and during evaluation, there was some stuff and i broke down and cried in the den. (that was after all the YAs had left) then i went back to the specstand for evaluation. but for some reason as if i hadn't cried enough, i started to cry again. really hoped that no one saw me. but after that, i think it cleared the air and the situation was kinda back to normal for both of us. (okay ppl, just ignore this bit if u dont understand it)

then we had to clean the toilet. everyone was going to bed but Sam just felt that the toilet (PE room one) was really too stinky and flooded and thought we should clean it. fine by me. until i saw the underwear and the level of water in the toilet. i was amazed at the whole area. seriously dirty and really stinky. do you know that the girls took 10 minutes or more per person? 3 minutes should have been the max! at the most 5. i tell you, the PLs, ( Alison, Feng Ru, Glad, Renny, Sam and I) were quite annoyed by it. i think they deserve a round of applause for even attempting to clean it. people actually ate chocolate in a stinky toilet. hoo boy. i figured that the sec 1s were going to get it the next morning. and at night? 4.30 in the morning and handphones start to ring their alarm. ring and ring and ring. 6 am wake up, so why set alarm so early and not wake up? 5.30 was really killer, so many handphones ringing. i waited until 6 to sit up and growl. then Gladys screamed at no one in particular to shut the fuck up for the alarms and i added my 2 cents worth. basically i think everyone woke up after that.

i basically came home and slept the whole day away. and oh, the backs of my feet have their skin practically scraped off from the court shoes.

thanks to the people who came for our campfire and the seniors who came down.

okay....Monday

seriously tired. tired is the only word i can use to describe my state of mind today. not just physically tired but i'm getting a freaking migraine.

i just feel so tired i want to just blend into the surrondings and just cease to exist.

there's feelings of tiredness, annoyance, depression, hungar (yes, somehow i'm really hungry all the time today) and guilt.

i want to just take a break and catch my breath. but then i'll feel guilty.

i feel guilty that i'm allowing myself to wallow in self depression which i told myself i shouldn't do.
i feel guilty that i'm even taking a break.
i feel guilty that i'm not even studying or practicing the piano and that i somehow don't give a damn about anything anymore.
i even feel guilty about writing all this down and complaining.

i think i'm just depressed and i can't even find the reason for it.

i hate trying so hard knowing that i won't succeed.
i hate trying to make work something that i know won't work.

i feel like heck caring my obligations and just throw myself off a cliff.

and it doesn't help that i tried to do standing broad jump and my back hurts again. and now i have 4 plasters on the backs of my feet due to the court shoes. i knew i shouldn't have ran in them.

may tomorrow be a better day. haha. that's really a laugh and a half.